Thursday, February 19, 2009


Abagail and Martin were walking through the forest. It was a lovely spring day; warm, but not so warm as to preclude the necessity of a jacket. Flowers were blooming, the sun was shining, birds were singing; and even the most jaded hipster, backlashing against things commonly accepted as pleasant, would have to admit that it was a beautiful day.
"I love the forest." Abagail said, spreading her arms wide, as if to embrace the entirety of it.
"What?" Martin asked, pretending he hadn't heard what she'd said.
"The forest. I love it. It's just so beautiful."
"That's what I thought you said!' Martin sneered.
"What's wrong? Don't you like the forest?"
"Yeah I like the forest." Martin replied, emphasizing the like. "But I wouldn't say that I love it."
'Why not?"
"Because I only love you." Martin replied, trying to be charming.
Abagail kissed him and laughed. "You know what I mean."
"No, I don't." Martin sneered back at her. "I don't know what you fucking mean."
"Don't be like this."
"How can I not be like this, when you reach into my chest with your cruel talons and tear out my fucking heart!" Martin threw himself onto the ground as he said this. Tearing out grass with his hands and throwing it in the air.
"I've done no such thing."
"Yes you have. I love you so much, but you, you have to throw all that away. And for what, some verdant shrubbery?" With that Martin stood up and walked away.
Abagail looked up at the sky and wondered if it was really worth it. To keep putting up with this insanity. At some point she would have to stop preserving his feelings and let him know. Perhaps today would be the day. She saw Martin trudging back up the hill and resolved to tell him as much, even if it meant she'd have to walk home. But before she could say anything she noticed the can of gasoline and the gun Martin was holding. He went to the nearest tree and shot it with the gun.
"This is what I think of the fucking forest you love so much." He then dumped the entire can of gasoline on the tree, lit a match, then threw it at the tree. Soon the entire forest was ablaze.
"There, now I've destroyed the one thing you love." Martin said before walking away. They never saw each other again, a thing Abagail was glad of.


Blogger Miriam said...

I blogged about insane jealousy that your lover loves forests more than you! You stole my idea!

6:33 PM  
Blogger Eli McCormick said...

What! I came up with this idea myself. Mine is totally different!

6:42 PM  
Blogger Miriam said...

I don't know it sounds an awful lot like mine. As like mine as--say--Abby sounds like Abagail.

6:47 PM  
Blogger Eli McCormick said...

Well, that's just a charming coincidence. I just love writing about forests.

7:01 PM  
Blogger Miriam said...

Yes. Evidently you love writing about forests more than you love me.

7:21 PM  
Blogger Lord Cheswick said...

C-c-c-combo breaker!

7:22 PM  
Blogger Eli McCormick said...

Oh come on now. Don't be ridiculous. You're just blowing this out of proportion.

7:23 PM  
Blogger Logan said...

I think I'm incapable of conceiving of a character like Martin. I can never be a writer.

7:37 PM  
Blogger Miriam said...

So if I'm blowing it out of proportion, then it's no big deal, right? You love me more than some blog post, right? If you love me, you'll delete your post.

7:45 PM  
Blogger Zijjo said...

This is madness

9:09 PM  
Blogger John D. Moore said...

Glorious fucking madness!

4:35 PM  

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