Friday, November 16, 2007

Because the Internet is For Hating Vol. 1

By now it's beyond cliche to say what the internet is for. Porn, hating on things, stealing intellectual property, and best throw another porn on the end. With that in mind, I present a new feature here on Modern Revelation!, or rather the first feature. The point is; I have vitriol, I have spleen and I'm going to vent it here. Music, movies, books, ideas, countries, people, food, nothing will be spared the wrath of my blinking cursor. With that in mind I present the first object of my abject and well founded hatred.


America's Candian indie rock darlings.

They first hit the scene a few years ago with their album Funeral, which was boring and tuneless. This year has seen the release of their follow-up, Neon Bible, which is even more boring and tuneless. This time they thought it would be a good idea to bite from the Boss2, which would be cool, except they miss the point entirely and their attempts to ape the middle-class ennui and working-man's desperation of Mr. Springsteen ring false. Also their complete inability to write anything close to anthemic hurts. Not that I'm punishing1. them for not writing Thunder Road, that would be silly.

I'm punishing them for this line:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, show me where them bombs will fall4

(note the affected "them")

I'm punishing them for the almost choreographed "intensity" of their live shows, which always get mentioned in press and is manifested by banging on the sixth auxiliary percussionist's motorcycle helmet he's wearing3.

That is not intensity. Iggy Pop covered his naked body with peanut butter and sliced his chest open. Hitting some dude's helmet is not intense. It's stupid.

Natalie Portman said TEH SHINZ would save our life5, and they're boring and (mostly) innoffensive, but the Arcade Fire believe they can change yours.

1. By punish I mean hate, or something like that
2. Bruce Springsteen
3. This is a reference to their epochal live appearance on Conan O'Brian.
4. Some song on Neon Bible
5. Braff, Zachary, Garden State, 2004


Blogger Volker The Fiddler said...

Wow. The Arcade Fire don't sound good at all. Good Hating, Eli.

11:33 AM  

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