Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Potential Scene for a Sitcom


A phone is sitting on a counter, its screen lights up and the ringtone, the ubiquitous pop song of the moment most likely Lollipop, fills the room. DAD enters the room and picks it up.

DAD: Skip, you got a text.

SKIP : (offscreen) What does it say?


SKIP enters the room, he looks like a Jonas Brother, the cute one.

SKIP: Hmm.

He goes to the fridge and gets an apple (presuming this show wants to sponsor good health). Alternately, SKIP can get a treat from one of the sponsors. Prominent placement will be charged a higher fee. A close up can cost as much as a 30 second spot, though will garner twice as many impressions.

DAD: What does that mean?

SKIP: I don’t know.

DAD: Well neither do I. You should tell your friends to make sense when they text you. Or, I don’t know, call me crazy, you could call each other.

SKIP: No Dad, I Don’t Know.

DAD: I know you don’t, neither do I.

JESSIE enters the room, she is the sassy little sister archtype.

DAD: Jessie, do you know what IDK means?

JESSIE: I don’t know.

DAD: Neither do we!

Laugh Track

Note: This is inspired by a real life event, though it was much less contrived. And it did not involve fathers and teenage sons.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Hilarious Joke, as Found on a Laffy Taffy Wrapper II

Q: Where does Stalin exile dissident ghosts?

A: The ghoulag

Friday, August 22, 2008

Hilarious Joke, as Found on a Laffy Taffy Wrapper.

Q: What did the cow say to the farmer who was trying to fuck it?

A: I'm not in the moooooooood

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Notes 8/21/08

1. I Feel old whenever I hear a song mention texting. This may owe to my status as a luddite when it comes to texting. I will usually respond to a text with a y (for yes), an n (for no) or a k (for ok). Most likely I will just respond with a call. In general I am fine with songs making of the moment pop culture references (i.e Kanye West), i think it shows a willingness to ground the song in a particular time, rather than reaching for that oh-so-elusive timeless quality. So I suppose my objection to mentions of texting are odd in that respect, but it might just owe to my dislike of that particular medium.

2. It's somewhat ironic that I should be rejected by No: A Journal of the Arts.

3. August in Utah is drupe season, 89 cents a pound. Stock up!


Saturday, August 16, 2008

A Certain Horrible Thing

Not long ago, I witnessed a trailer for a movie that was so odious it caused my body to erupt in paroxysms of revulsion. I consider myself a man tolerant of Hollywood's dreck, inasmuch as I accept its existence and don't allow it to bother me.

But this:

This it too much.

Besides being sexist (though I'm sure that along with the hilarity that no doubt ensues, lessons are learned), The House Bunny represents everything wrong with Movie College.

Movie College bears a striking similarity to Movie High School, though there are marked differences. This being the movies, neither resembles their real-life counterparts, and any movies that do bear a resemblance (i.e Noah Baumbach's Kicking and Screaming and Freaks and Geeks(Yeah I know it's a TV series, but whatevs)) can't be said to exist in Movie College or Movie High School.

Movie High School is slightly surreal and absurd almost to excess. The division of the cliques; whether by lunchroom table seating as in Mean Girls, first day arbitrary designation as in Bratz: The Movie, or the character's themselves being symbols as in the Breakfast Club, serves to remind us of the absurdity of those cliques. Movie High School pokes gentle fun.

Movie College bears more resemblance to Movie High School than it does actual college. Instead of cliques we have fraternities and sororities. Movie College preserves the social hierarchy of Movie High School (and perhaps actual high school) and amps up the meanness. College, being a place of higher learning, where scholarship is paramount, certainly doesn't seem like the place where intelligence would be scoffed at. Yet this seems de rigueur in movie college. The thing these movies forget is that the social life in college is opt in. One can choose to associate with their circle of friends and not be active in any kind of campus hierarchy.

In The House Bunny, our heroine is cast out of the Bunny Mansion and the decrepit embrace of Hugh Hefner and into the cruel world. She becomes the house mother of a sorority of outcast girls, who see to all be wearing glasses which is, of course, movie shorthand for nerdy and undesirable. One of these girls is played by the object of desire in Superbad. The sexism is implicit in the denial of these girls as attractive, it is explicit in the idea that The titular House Bunny is supposed to represent some kind of feminine ideal.

Of course the House Bunny is going to teach these girls that by taking off the glasses and wearing high heels will make them attractive. Of course she will realize that she doesn't always need to act dumb, especially to attract the guy who likes her for herself. Of course they will win the annual sorority house competition and show the mean sorority that they too are legitimate people. There's no subversion. Normally this would just be bad movies as usual, but the extra layer of sexism and tiresome stereotypes make this more than just a bad movie.

Thursday, August 14, 2008


1. I think the one sentence thing isn't working out, that's basically twittering, and I have a twitter (which if you click the link you'll see has only been used twice). Likewise the dictator pictures are fun, but should not be the main focus. This concludes the state of the blog address.

2. I'm going to Prague at the end of September.

3. I've started a new novel and will probably begin revising the other one in September. I've made room in my closet for both of them.

4. I recommend everyone read the Savage Detectives by Roberto Bolano. It's one of the best novels I've read in a while. Consistently compelling, innovative and melancholic. This is a recommendation not a review, but I assure you, it's well worth your time.

5.I think this needs a redesign. If anyone has any ideas, let me know.